you are missing from me
by LovelySpiral
Summary: 'Who was the last person to make you cry, Uzumaki...' NaruSasu, SasuNaru. Prequel to before the lights come on.


_you are missing from me. _

* * *

Sasuke feeds the crows boiled egg. They bit at his hands as he hears Orochimaru come out to the fire escape.

"Good morning," Orochimaru says pleasantly.

Sasuke nods in greeting and licks his fingers. The egg isn't so good today, but he doubts the birds can tell the difference.

Orochimaru remarks, "You look tired, Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke shrugs.

"Naruto's birthday is coming up, isn't it? How is your friend?" Orochimaru looks tired as well.

"He's Naruto." Sasuke feels this is a sufficient answer. He can't really explain Naruto.

_He's sunshine, laughter, kisses - tears. _

"He is quite special to you," Orochimaru says.

"... If I just had him.. I feel like everything would be right in the world." Sasuke exhales. "And I don't. I don't have him."

"Ah. I could've had someone like that once." Orochimaru gives a wry smile. "But I let him go."

"He wasn't scared off by you?" Sasuke snickers. "You're such a freak."

"You're as funny as always." Orochimaru chuckles.

"Do you think people change, or they just wake up? And then you see what you never saw before." Sasuke leans on the railing. Orochimaru laughs.

"I'm not quite sure. Have a nice day, child." Orochimaru sounds wistful, his eyes faraway. It's going to rain.

"Yeah. You too."

_He didn't offer any chocolate this time,_ Sasuke thinks as the door shuts.

* * *

Sasuke takes comfort in the steady rhythm of the knife against the cutting board.

_I wanna stab him,_ he thinks grimly. Life would be so much easier without this.

_Have I changed? _

_Has Naruto changed - have we changed each other? _

_"_If anything, I changed him for the worst," Sasuke murmurs.

It's lonely in his apartment, with only old man Orochimaru to talk to, out on the fire escape.

He begins to hum his favorite song - also a favorite of Naruto's - under his breath.

_"This'll be our song, ne, Sasuke?" _

The knife keeps going _chop chop chop_ even though his hands have started to shake.

_I should be cutting onions,_ he thinks.

* * *

They meet again in the halls.

Orochimaru's lips are feather-light against his forehead. "How are you feeling?"

"Are you my therapist now?" Sasuke asks.

"I could be." Orochimaru smiles. "Who was the last person who made you cry, Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke glowers. "What kind of question is that?"

"A personal one."

"Have you been crying, old man?" Sasuke examines Orochimaru's face.

Orochimaru gives a little laugh. "And what if I have? Will my tears solve your problem?"

"What am I supposed to tell him?" Sasuke groans. "That he's everything to me? That I want to be with him? There's a chance he's in love with me too, and he could do so much better. Sakura's in love with him." Nice, pretty Sakura, always compassionate and strong and everything Sasuke couldn't be.

"But you'll tell him anyway." Orochimaru says. "Won't you?"

Sasuke nods miserablely. "Yeah."

* * *

Naruto calls him.

"What is it?" Sasuke says.

Does he sound like he's in love?

_"Hey! Can I come over?" _

"In the rain?"

_"Yeah!"_

"Yeah, sure. Do what you want." He snaps his phone shut, covers his face with his hands.

He thinks of ocean blue eyes, and how it was Naruto who saved him from the dark.

Naruto brought him back home.

"Who was the last person who made you cry, Uzumaki?" He murmurs.

* * *

Naruto arrives, soaked from head to toe. "Hi!"

Sasuke nods. His throat feels tight.

_Kiss me_, he thinks. _Kiss me before you go.  
_

Naruto is happily chattering about his day, and damn, it hurts.

"Hey." There must be something in his voice because Naruto stops, looks at him, says, "What is it, Sas?"

"Do you think we'd be good together?" Sasuke asks. "Hypothetically."

Did he just say _hypothetically_? Isn't Naruto supposed to be the awkward idiot?

"As a couple?" Naruto blinks. Still the awkward idiot.

"Yeah. What do you think...?"

"I don't want to think." Naruto says quietly before kissing him.

It's not the best kiss he's ever had, or the worst, but it's perfect because it's Naruto who's pressing him up against the wall. Rain is seeping into his clothes and Naruto's whispering, "Do you love me?"

Sasuke nods, kisses Naruto again.

"I love you." Naruto says.

"I know." Sasuke thinks of Orochimaru's lover and child gone in the snow. "Naruto?"

"Sasuke?"

"Just... I wanted to hear you say my name." Sasuke bites his lip.

Naruto croons his name again.

"It sounds nice when you say it." Sasuke rests against Naruto's body, and they sit in silence.

* * *

He wakes up to butterfly kisses.

"Morning." He kisses the tip of Naruto's nose.

"Morning." Naruto says. "How'd you sleep? Any nightmares?"

"None." Sasuke covers his mouth as he yawns.

Naruto grins and kisses his cheek. "I'll be off in the kitchen."

He daydreams, brushes his teeth, and meets Naruto in the kitchen.

They kiss, and draw apart. Sasuke feels something sinking in his stomach as Naruto gazes at him.

Naruto blurts, "We're better of as friends. I've been thinking. About us."

Sasuke shrugs as his world falls apart. "Okay."

"Okay?" Naruto says softly. "I haven't stopped loving you. I don't want to lose you again."

"I know."

"I don't want either of us to be hurt and angry. I don't want to stay locked in my room, waiting for you to call." Naruto sighs. "I don't want to remember that this was the happiest I ever was, and then everything collapsed and I'll never be this happy again."

"What happened to looking on the bright side?" Sasuke mutters, and Naruto's face crumples.

_"Sasuke." _

It's not beautiful anymore.

"Kiss me goodbye." Sasuke murmurs.

It's the perfect kiss.

* * *

This time, Naruto's doing the hurting. But, Sasuke realizes, he must be hurting Naruto, too.

_Again. All over again. _

He sleeps, only to wake with tears in his eyes.

* * *

He doesn't see Naruto until later that week.

"Hi, Sasuke." Naruto can't summon up his normal cheer.

Sasuke tilts his head. "Hey."

"You smell like smoke, what's up with that?" Naruto says.

"I was with Suigetsu earlier." Sasuke says dismissively. "Can... Can I say something?"

What a fool of an Uchiha he is, tripping over his tongue.

But hell, he's been whispering these words to himself since that night and wishing on the stars for Naruto to please, _please_ look at him again.

Naruto nods hesitantly.

"I've never wanted anything like I've wanted you. And... you've always told me that follow your heart crap, haven't you? Why can't we give it a try?" Sasuke turns away, cheeks red.

"I don't know what I want." Naruto says. "But... you... I..."

"Naruto Uzumaki at a loss for words." Sasuke says bitterly.

"I don't want to lose you. It's safer than loving you and then losing you!" Naruto says heatedly. "You're my most precious person!"

_Butterfly kisses in the mornings -_

He says quietly, "Do you wake up in the middle of the night, feeling utterly alone, and think of me? I need you, Naruto."

_And you don't need me. I don't even deserve you. _

Failure. All this time he's been the failure.

"Of course, we're still friends. We'll always be friends. I wouldn't want to lose you either - " Sasuke stops attempting to salvage his pride as Naruto pulls him close.

Naruto's tears are warm against his neck.

"Why are we making this so damn complicated?" Sasuke sighs.

"Because it _is_ so damn complicated." Naruto steps back, runs a hand through his spiky hair. "I'm going home. I'll call you."

"I'll drive you." Sasuke says, because they're friends.

Does he sound like he's in love?

* * *

_end. _

* * *

_a/n: companion!fic/prequel to before the lights come on. _


End file.
